I graduated college yesterday with all the pomp and circumstance which the situation warrants. I usually can't help but roll my eyes over people who do things like, for instance, try to quote philosophers or post song lyrics in their Facebook statuses to try to convey how significant such a day is to them. I know there's importance in days like these. I studied books. I get symbols. But at the same time, there's a very cynical side of me that sits on the sidelines and says, rather drily, that symbols are only important because we say so.
But tonight, after having spent my first lovely, post-graduate day lolling around with my family, I took some white wine and some tea into a very hot bathtub and mulled things over. I started this journal (and I say journal because the word blog, while perhaps more accurate, is still a little repulsive to me) four years ago at the very start of this stage of life, the stage which I am now transitioning out of. I was a very sad person then, and I can see that in my own text. Or, rather, I can see it in between my own text. That's the thing about your own writing - only you know what you chose not to say along with what you did. It leaps out at me, at least, what I didn't say. Whether I'm inclined to general melancholy or whether it's a thing forced upon me is a train of philosophy I've pondered over a lot in my life, but I took two more years after the start of this journal just to wallow in that sadness. I had moved to a new place, but old things weighed me down so heavily that I might as well have stood still.
Thankfully, even that prolonged state of unhappiness couldn't sustain itself much longer than it did, and little rays of thought peeked through that said, If you're unhappy, what are you going to do about it? I wasn't trying, and as a very wise man once wrote, "Cause and effect, buddy, cause and effect. The only thing you can do now, the only religious thing you can do, is act. Act for God, if you want to — be God's actress, if you want to. What could be prettier? You can at least try to, if you want to — there's nothing wrong in trying." So I did. I tried to put myself in positions that were different, perhaps uncomfortable at first but gradually becoming better and better, and slowly slowly my wheels started revolving in the other direction. The state of sadness did not go away in a puff of smoke. That would be childish to think. But I took a hard look at myself, finally, and realized that so much of its foundation was in the fact that I was holding on to that sadness with clenched fists, yet still lamenting the fact that I did so. And - what's to lose? - I tried to let it go. In those last two years I went places and met people and did things, big and small, huge and trivial, that were so good for me. I made most of the prerequisite college mistakes in those next two years, I had fun, I was frustrated, I was smart and I was an idiot, just like everyone else. And just like everyone, I finally grew up, however many steps behind I was. But what does that matter? I did it.
Like I said, I naturally roll my eyes when people try to make symbols out of calendar events, but at the same time I feel the same gravitational pull to do the same. I did it yesterday. I went up on stage, shook hands with a few officials, got a gold cord. As I walked back to my seat, I looked down at the gold cord and then around at the faces and declared it had been good. That's making a symbol of it, in its way. So I'll do it one more time. While I believe it was Lisa who at one time dubbed this place a "drivel page," it was my own haphazard choice that decided on the URL. Ghwerig was a random choice at the time; I tend to choose names or fixtures from stories I like, and I have no recollection of attaching any significance to this one. The more I mulled it over in the bath tonight, though, the more appropriate it seemed. Ghwerig was a little troll who lived in darkness and worked the same treasure over and over. I might not have thought so then, but that was something like who I was when I started this journal. I'd rather not be attached to that image anymore, though, so I'm leaving it behind. This journal will stay intact, but I'll be posting here from now on, a new page attached to the same account, with a URL equally chosen at random as I mentally perused images from stories I'd recently read and liked. Again, it doesn't have any particular significance, but maybe it will find one in four, five, six years' time. That page will be identical to this one in nearly every way. It'll be the same old me, same old stuff. I'm rolling my own eyes at myself a bit here, but I'll afford myself this one little symbol and jump ship. If you've stuck with me, I thank you. It really does mean more than I can say that anyone cares to read anything I write. Hope to see you over there, too.
And with that, we leap!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Let's put the baby up for adoption
--My dad works in a very sad line of work, but because of what he does and where he does it he occasionally crosses paths with famous people. (My dad deals high-end cocaine is what I'm trying to say.) He told me about one person that he'd met recently that left me ragingly jealous, and I am not the kind of person who wants to meet many famous people. I'm still sort of stunned that he got to talk to this person face to face. I tried to drag details out of him but he refused because of violations of yada yada yada. That just sent my imagination spinning. Like, this person plus my dad - what could they have talked about? I choose to believe they spent their brief encounter talking about me. (Also, I was kidding about the cocaine. Or was I?)
--The Waugh novel I'm reading is called Put Out More Flags and I'm really liking it. It's overall a pleasant read with sudden jumps into gorgeous writing, hilarity, or both. I'm still not quite sure why, but these lines had me giggling uncontrollably earlier:
"Darling, how very nice. Have you come to stay?"
"Yes, Mother said you were alone."
"I don't know where we'll put you. Things are very odd here. You haven't brought anyone else, have you?" It was one of Freddy's chief complaints that Basil usually came not only uninvited but attended by undesirable friends.
"No, no one. There isn't anyone nowadays. I've come to write a book."
"Oh, Basil. I am sorry. Is it as bad as that?"
There was a little explanation of that comment afterward which dampened the funny a bit, but when I first read it I had to stop there and just chuckle. As if wanting to write a book indicates some sort of deep crisis.
--My take-home finals have been excruciating. I finished one yesterday which was, I think, the worst thing I have ever handed in, and the one I'm currently working (not very hard) on is equally putrid. I can only talk about medieval recipes for broth for so long before I resort to writing a blog entry. Hope to finish that one tomorrow so I can just relax before graduation. Fun fact, though, those pies with live birds in them that are in all the nursery rhymes? Those were real things! And I have vague medieval directions in Italian on how to make them, if anyone's interested, as well as a recipe on how to make a gelatin with a live fish inside. (Do you see why I cannot focus on this thing?)
--I ran out of shampoo and soap with, like, ten days left here on campus, but my sister was leaving so she gave me everything she had left over. Now, with the help of these lady products, my roots are awakened, my hair is bouncing and full of volume and my armpits smell like pomegranates.
--I wonder at what age it will no longer be weird to see pictures on Facebook of my high school classmates having babies and getting married. Most of them are doing it in that order, too. Ah, the 21st century. In order to procrastinate, I like to open one picture of all of them in a tab and have a mini cutest baby pageant on my computer. Usually there's no winner because I went to high school with lots of ugly people. (Totally kidding. Well. Yeah. Whatever.)
--I went to catch up on Glee with a few of my friends yesterday and this girl who's sort of a tag-along to this group was also in the room, alternately crying hysterically and wringing her hands. No one addressed it and everyone else continued to watch and comment on Glee as if nothing out of the ordinary were happening. I still have no idea what that was all about. It was ridiculously uncomfortable and I can't wait for details.
--I sold back two textbooks (well, not really, but they were used in a class) and received a grand total of $3 for them. I am so poor right now that that sum makes a significant addition to my bank account.
--I don't like that all these things start with "I."
--There is (that's better!) a 24/7 diner out here that I frequent way too much, because it's perfect food for the times before, during and after drinking (but especially that last one). I have literally been there at every possible hour and probably every day of the week, and this wonderfully pleasant little Hispanic man is always there bussing tables. I want to know - do you sleep, sir? Do you live at this diner?
--I (ah!) have been entertaining thoughts about making a YouTube channel for funny videos of my dog. I am becoming one of those people. But I have lots of them. All I do when I'm home is lay around and force my dog into doing her short list of tricks in front of my computer while I play classical music in the background. The world needs more of that, right?
--The Waugh novel I'm reading is called Put Out More Flags and I'm really liking it. It's overall a pleasant read with sudden jumps into gorgeous writing, hilarity, or both. I'm still not quite sure why, but these lines had me giggling uncontrollably earlier:
"Darling, how very nice. Have you come to stay?"
"Yes, Mother said you were alone."
"I don't know where we'll put you. Things are very odd here. You haven't brought anyone else, have you?" It was one of Freddy's chief complaints that Basil usually came not only uninvited but attended by undesirable friends.
"No, no one. There isn't anyone nowadays. I've come to write a book."
"Oh, Basil. I am sorry. Is it as bad as that?"
There was a little explanation of that comment afterward which dampened the funny a bit, but when I first read it I had to stop there and just chuckle. As if wanting to write a book indicates some sort of deep crisis.
--My take-home finals have been excruciating. I finished one yesterday which was, I think, the worst thing I have ever handed in, and the one I'm currently working (not very hard) on is equally putrid. I can only talk about medieval recipes for broth for so long before I resort to writing a blog entry. Hope to finish that one tomorrow so I can just relax before graduation. Fun fact, though, those pies with live birds in them that are in all the nursery rhymes? Those were real things! And I have vague medieval directions in Italian on how to make them, if anyone's interested, as well as a recipe on how to make a gelatin with a live fish inside. (Do you see why I cannot focus on this thing?)
--I ran out of shampoo and soap with, like, ten days left here on campus, but my sister was leaving so she gave me everything she had left over. Now, with the help of these lady products, my roots are awakened, my hair is bouncing and full of volume and my armpits smell like pomegranates.
--I wonder at what age it will no longer be weird to see pictures on Facebook of my high school classmates having babies and getting married. Most of them are doing it in that order, too. Ah, the 21st century. In order to procrastinate, I like to open one picture of all of them in a tab and have a mini cutest baby pageant on my computer. Usually there's no winner because I went to high school with lots of ugly people. (Totally kidding. Well. Yeah. Whatever.)
--I went to catch up on Glee with a few of my friends yesterday and this girl who's sort of a tag-along to this group was also in the room, alternately crying hysterically and wringing her hands. No one addressed it and everyone else continued to watch and comment on Glee as if nothing out of the ordinary were happening. I still have no idea what that was all about. It was ridiculously uncomfortable and I can't wait for details.
--I sold back two textbooks (well, not really, but they were used in a class) and received a grand total of $3 for them. I am so poor right now that that sum makes a significant addition to my bank account.
--I don't like that all these things start with "I."
--There is (that's better!) a 24/7 diner out here that I frequent way too much, because it's perfect food for the times before, during and after drinking (but especially that last one). I have literally been there at every possible hour and probably every day of the week, and this wonderfully pleasant little Hispanic man is always there bussing tables. I want to know - do you sleep, sir? Do you live at this diner?
--I (ah!) have been entertaining thoughts about making a YouTube channel for funny videos of my dog. I am becoming one of those people. But I have lots of them. All I do when I'm home is lay around and force my dog into doing her short list of tricks in front of my computer while I play classical music in the background. The world needs more of that, right?
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Take a piece of raw vegetable and hold it to your breast
--My sister and I met up yesterday to get a Mothers' Day present. We both vowed to spend $10 each, maximum, and we both have stuff to do, since it's finals week, so we wanted it to be quick. We ended up spending $40 we don't have, going out to a ridiculously long and disgustingly high-calorie lunch (the waitress was like, "Really? Cake and a milkshake? Together?"), and walking probably five miles in the process. I think we were out for like six hours. It was nice.
--Two encounters with crazies:
1. I went and did my last movie review for the school paper last week. It was for the movie "Prom," and I was literally the only person in the theater for the entire thing. I kept looking around expecting the theater to shut the movie off, since I did not pay for the movie and I was alone. While this was embarrassing, during my brief stint in movie reviews, I found this type of movie-watching experience to be the ground most fertile for fun, easy reviews. Anyway, after the movie was over I sat in the lobby reading The Double and waiting for my friend to finish her movie. All of a sudden this crazy man at another table started reading everything on the cover of my book in an increasingly loud voice. At the end he was literally yelling, "TRANSLATED BY RICHARD PEVEAR AND LARISSA VOLOKHONSKY." I made the mistake of making confused eye contact with this man, which launched him into what he must have thought was a conversation but was actually a one-sided dialogue about his entire life. He's in college now and that's so hard when you're older and plus he had the discipline of the military for fourteen years and what's he gonna do without that now but his son got a football scholarship to Arizona and that's great because he's had hardships and it's gonna be so scary to get into the workforce for real for the first time and gosh how do you go about making new friends in a new place when you're old because you know it's not easy to approach people and you're not fit and you can't eat anything you want like when you're young. I made "Uh..." noises at intervals while frantically checking if my friend had come out of the movie yet. At one point I kind of clutched my book to my chest and he begged (BEGGED) to know what it was about, so I gave him a sketchy outline and he screamed, "OH, I SAW THAT MOVIE! IT WAS EXCELLENT!" (I don't think that anyone has ever made that book into a movie.) When I finally got up to leave he did not break his sentence until I was in arm's reach, at which point he frantically pumped my hand and said, "So nice to meet you. You are a wonderful young man." So, well, that was nice, at least.
2. I was full of nervous energy after my Italian final on the last day of classes - it was one of those oral-style ones like in Italy and those freak me out, so I walked into town afterward to burn off a little energy. As I was walking back to campus a second crazy dressed in khaki pants and no shirt (that's always a bad sign, right?) stopped me and said, "Hello sir. I have something to say to you." Uh oh. "Once I fought the KKK," he said. "You know what you've got to think when you fight the KKK?" "What?" I said. I was anticipating him pulling out a switchblade or something. But he said, "They're just sheets. Just sheets!" There's something profound in that, I think.
--Last Sunday morning I went on a hike at 4 AM to the top of a mountain in order to watch the sunrise. It was lovely. I guess I've never really seen a sunrise, or if I have I wasn't paying attention. There's a point where you can actively see the disc of the sun come up over the horizon. I never really knew that.
--Rebecca Soni and Jessica Hardy dueled out an awesome 100 breast at Brazilian Nationals the other day. So nice to see. Hardy was just recently cleared to be eligible for London, so it's great that she hadn't lost her fire in that horrible wait period. Incredible mental toughness. Good for her. If they keep this up, US could go 1-2 at the Olympics. Plus she posted an in-season top-ranked time in the 50 breast. She's so good at that event. I kind of doubt if she'll ever hit her 100 world record again, but she could do very well at Worlds in the 50, if she's allowed to swim it. The selection for that one is vague, though, so she might not actually do it.
--The thesis, which I have loathed from start to finish, is done and the manuscript is submitted. My last English paper as an undergraduate was also the first time I ever wrote a paper without reading the book. I got an A. So basically that means my education was a success.I have two more finals to finish on my own time and I'm done. Summer is approaching and I'm actually excited about it. I'm returning to my lifeguard job. Usually at that place, returning as a post-grad is a source of deep shame and summer-long derision, but I just learned last week that I will have a job come September, so I can return with my head held high. I am actually rather excited to chat with the pool moms about it as they pass my desk. They're all such supportive ladies.
--I have gotten so much reading done lately. This is nice, because I've also been doing a lot of drinking, and those two things don't often mesh well in my life. I picked up another Waugh novel last night. I liked but didn't love Brideshead Revisited, but his books are all published in these lovely pastel paperbacks that I envision looking splendid all lined up on my bookshelf. Annoyingly expensive, though.
--I made a Twitter. I do not plan on writing in it, just using it to check other people's. So far this has sucked the fun out of checking other people's Twitters. It's too easy now.
--Two encounters with crazies:
1. I went and did my last movie review for the school paper last week. It was for the movie "Prom," and I was literally the only person in the theater for the entire thing. I kept looking around expecting the theater to shut the movie off, since I did not pay for the movie and I was alone. While this was embarrassing, during my brief stint in movie reviews, I found this type of movie-watching experience to be the ground most fertile for fun, easy reviews. Anyway, after the movie was over I sat in the lobby reading The Double and waiting for my friend to finish her movie. All of a sudden this crazy man at another table started reading everything on the cover of my book in an increasingly loud voice. At the end he was literally yelling, "TRANSLATED BY RICHARD PEVEAR AND LARISSA VOLOKHONSKY." I made the mistake of making confused eye contact with this man, which launched him into what he must have thought was a conversation but was actually a one-sided dialogue about his entire life. He's in college now and that's so hard when you're older and plus he had the discipline of the military for fourteen years and what's he gonna do without that now but his son got a football scholarship to Arizona and that's great because he's had hardships and it's gonna be so scary to get into the workforce for real for the first time and gosh how do you go about making new friends in a new place when you're old because you know it's not easy to approach people and you're not fit and you can't eat anything you want like when you're young. I made "Uh..." noises at intervals while frantically checking if my friend had come out of the movie yet. At one point I kind of clutched my book to my chest and he begged (BEGGED) to know what it was about, so I gave him a sketchy outline and he screamed, "OH, I SAW THAT MOVIE! IT WAS EXCELLENT!" (I don't think that anyone has ever made that book into a movie.) When I finally got up to leave he did not break his sentence until I was in arm's reach, at which point he frantically pumped my hand and said, "So nice to meet you. You are a wonderful young man." So, well, that was nice, at least.
2. I was full of nervous energy after my Italian final on the last day of classes - it was one of those oral-style ones like in Italy and those freak me out, so I walked into town afterward to burn off a little energy. As I was walking back to campus a second crazy dressed in khaki pants and no shirt (that's always a bad sign, right?) stopped me and said, "Hello sir. I have something to say to you." Uh oh. "Once I fought the KKK," he said. "You know what you've got to think when you fight the KKK?" "What?" I said. I was anticipating him pulling out a switchblade or something. But he said, "They're just sheets. Just sheets!" There's something profound in that, I think.
--Last Sunday morning I went on a hike at 4 AM to the top of a mountain in order to watch the sunrise. It was lovely. I guess I've never really seen a sunrise, or if I have I wasn't paying attention. There's a point where you can actively see the disc of the sun come up over the horizon. I never really knew that.
--Rebecca Soni and Jessica Hardy dueled out an awesome 100 breast at Brazilian Nationals the other day. So nice to see. Hardy was just recently cleared to be eligible for London, so it's great that she hadn't lost her fire in that horrible wait period. Incredible mental toughness. Good for her. If they keep this up, US could go 1-2 at the Olympics. Plus she posted an in-season top-ranked time in the 50 breast. She's so good at that event. I kind of doubt if she'll ever hit her 100 world record again, but she could do very well at Worlds in the 50, if she's allowed to swim it. The selection for that one is vague, though, so she might not actually do it.
--The thesis, which I have loathed from start to finish, is done and the manuscript is submitted. My last English paper as an undergraduate was also the first time I ever wrote a paper without reading the book. I got an A. So basically that means my education was a success.I have two more finals to finish on my own time and I'm done. Summer is approaching and I'm actually excited about it. I'm returning to my lifeguard job. Usually at that place, returning as a post-grad is a source of deep shame and summer-long derision, but I just learned last week that I will have a job come September, so I can return with my head held high. I am actually rather excited to chat with the pool moms about it as they pass my desk. They're all such supportive ladies.
--I have gotten so much reading done lately. This is nice, because I've also been doing a lot of drinking, and those two things don't often mesh well in my life. I picked up another Waugh novel last night. I liked but didn't love Brideshead Revisited, but his books are all published in these lovely pastel paperbacks that I envision looking splendid all lined up on my bookshelf. Annoyingly expensive, though.
--I made a Twitter. I do not plan on writing in it, just using it to check other people's. So far this has sucked the fun out of checking other people's Twitters. It's too easy now.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
99-question survey
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"At home the phone rang but Mary let the machine pick it..." (Like Life, Lorrie Moore)
or, alternatively, "...che 'in alcuni lochi d'Italia ne son molto grossi, e in Milano as-..." Gastronomy textbook.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
The wall.
3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
I've been laying around procrastinating for a couple hours now.
4. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Chelsea Handler
5. Without looking, guess what time it is
6:04
6. Now what time is it really?
6:00
7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Music. And outside.
8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Few hours ago.
9. Did you dream last night?
I did and I woke up thinking about it, but I lost it.
10. Do you remember your dreams?
Not too often.
11. When did you last laugh?
Few hours ago.
12. Do you remember why / at what?
Yeah.
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Couple posters.
14. Seen anything weird lately?
I saw two snakes today.
15. What do you think of this quiz?
So far so good, though that question indicates a bit of insecurity to me.
16. What is the last film you saw?
Hanna
17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
I don't know. Places start to feel the same after a while, I think.
18. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A house and two dogs, right away.
19. Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
The two happiest times that I can think of at my life were at a high school swim meet and the day I went to Pisa. The first one was a sort of charged, mission-accomplished elation and the second was the most relaxed and content I've ever felt. I think about those days a lot.
20. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I don't know if I'd change anything. That's a lot of pressure.
21. Do you like to dance?
No.
22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yeah.
23. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
No, unfortunately. I just tried it on a website and there's always a spare letter.
24. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
Mom.
25. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Music.
26. Last time you swam in a pool?
Week ago.
27. Type of music you like most?
Good mix.
28. Type of music you dislike most?
There isn't a particular type I don't like. I could probably find something to like in every kind of music.
29. Are you listening to music right now?
Yeah. Decembrists. "The Perfect Crime #2"
30. What color is your bedroom carpet?
It's like... gray, I guess? That neutral whitish carpet color. It's so dirty, though.
31. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
About my home home? Uh... I would make the bathtub bigger.
32. What was the last thing you bought?
A t-shirt.
33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
No. No desire to, either.
34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Absolutely.
35. Do you have a garden?
No.
36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
I know the standard singing part, but there are other lyrics to it that I don't know.
37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
SHUT IT OFF!
38. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
I'd probably pick Tina Fey. Girl seems like she likes to eat shamelessly, like I do.
39. Who sent the last text message you received?
Zoe.
40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Barnes and Noble.
41. What time is bed time?
It changes every day. Try to get in bed before midnight.
42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
No.
43. How many tattoos do you have?
None.
44. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one?
I've thought about it, but I don't think I ever would.
45. What did you do for your last birthday?
Got hammered and yelled at my mom.
46. Do you carry a donor card?
Not yet.
47. Who was the last person you ate with?
Italian class on top of a mountain with four hawks swirling just overhead. That was cool.
48. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Are you filling it or emptying it? I really dislike that dichotomy. It's so stupid. Is anyone that black and white?
49. What's the farthest-away place you've been?
Italy.
50. When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Summer.
51. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yeah. Everyone gets on these days, though.
52. Are you a good cook?
No. I can bake okay, though.
53. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Yeah, I'm not that functionally challenged.
54. If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
David Eddings, just to say thanks. I always meant to write him a letter while he was alive, but I missed my chance. I regret that, a little bit.
55. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
No.
56. Do you touch-type?
What does that mean? Without looking? Yeah.
57. What's under your bed?
Storage bins!
58. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. I think love is too complicated for one glance.
59. Think fast, what do you like right now?
The first thing that came to mind was porn. So...
60. Where were you on Valentine's day?
Here.
61. What time do you get up?
Either 6:40, 7, or 9. Almost never later.
62. What was the name of your first pet?
Oreo.
63. Who is the second to last person to call you?
One of the many Maggies in my life.
64. Is there anything going on this weekend?
I bought a wife-beater for tonight. That means yes.
65. How are you feeling right now?
Tired and I have to pee.
66. What do you think about the most?
Uh... That's a hard question. I guess stories. I'm always making up stories in my head.
67. What time do you get up in the morning?
Didn't we already do this one?
68. If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?
I would tell my parents right away.
69. Who would you tell first?
My parents.
70. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?
Hanna. It was bad.
71. Do you sing in the shower?
No.
72. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Barnes and Noble, maybe. I don't have a credit card, though...
73. What do you do most when you are bored?
I waste time on the computer or read.
74. What do you do for a living?
I'm a student.
75. Do you love your job?
If that counts as a job, sometimes.
76. What did you want to be when you grew up?
I never had an answer for that, and I still don't.
77. If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?
I can't even answer this. Don't ask me job questions anymore, survey.
78. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
Evolutionarily speaking, probably the egg.
79. How many keys on your key ring?
One.
80. Where would you retire to?
I don't know. That's kind of a sad question, in a way. It's like, "Where would you spend the last years before you die?"
81. What kind of car do you drive?
The orange one...
82. What are your best physical features?
Probably my teeth.
83. What are your best characteristics?
I really like listening to people's stories. I like hearing people talk.
84. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Somewhere in America. I want to see more of America.
85. What kind of books do you like to read?
Mostly fiction, but all kinds.
86. What is your favorite time of the day?
No particular preference.
87. Where did you grow up?
Haverhill.
88. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
100 miles exactly.
89. What are you reading now?
Like Life, Lorrie Moore.
90. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Both. Don't do well in the afternoon.
91. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No.
92. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
Yup.
93. Do you have pets?
Yes and I miss her terribly. I saw a parade of dogs when I went hiking today and it made me miss her.
94. How many rings before you answer the phone?
A few. Depends on who's calling.
95. What is your best childhood memory?
Not really specific, but I look back fondly on the period when I had a tight group of friends and we all passed books around to each other. I don't have a really tight group of friends anymore, and none of my friends read.
96. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?
I've been a lifeguard for years now. I have a really dumb quasi-job right now. I can't even explain it. I'm paid in food and don't really have to do anything. So I don't feel like that counts.
97. What is most important in life?
To keep moving forward and don't waste too much time looking back.
98. What Inspires You?
People who are great at something. Whatever it is. And bouncing back from bad times. Especially when one person hits both those points.
99. Do you believe in an afterlife?
No. And I hope there isn't. I don't believe in anything, religiously speaking, but if I had to choose, I would want there to be reincarnation. Though that, I think, would be impossible, if you assume that there is a finite number of souls and the number of living things is continually increasing. Unless you also assumed that the number of souls is significantly larger than the largest possible number of living things that could be and that there was some sort of limbo-space in which the souls not currently in living form existed while they waited. And such a space could be termed an afterlife, I guess, so that was just a circular way of ruining what I started with.
"At home the phone rang but Mary let the machine pick it..." (Like Life, Lorrie Moore)
or, alternatively, "...che 'in alcuni lochi d'Italia ne son molto grossi, e in Milano as-..." Gastronomy textbook.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
The wall.
3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
I've been laying around procrastinating for a couple hours now.
4. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Chelsea Handler
5. Without looking, guess what time it is
6:04
6. Now what time is it really?
6:00
7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Music. And outside.
8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Few hours ago.
9. Did you dream last night?
I did and I woke up thinking about it, but I lost it.
10. Do you remember your dreams?
Not too often.
11. When did you last laugh?
Few hours ago.
12. Do you remember why / at what?
Yeah.
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Couple posters.
14. Seen anything weird lately?
I saw two snakes today.
15. What do you think of this quiz?
So far so good, though that question indicates a bit of insecurity to me.
16. What is the last film you saw?
Hanna
17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
I don't know. Places start to feel the same after a while, I think.
18. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A house and two dogs, right away.
19. Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
The two happiest times that I can think of at my life were at a high school swim meet and the day I went to Pisa. The first one was a sort of charged, mission-accomplished elation and the second was the most relaxed and content I've ever felt. I think about those days a lot.
20. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I don't know if I'd change anything. That's a lot of pressure.
21. Do you like to dance?
No.
22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yeah.
23. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
No, unfortunately. I just tried it on a website and there's always a spare letter.
24. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
Mom.
25. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Music.
26. Last time you swam in a pool?
Week ago.
27. Type of music you like most?
Good mix.
28. Type of music you dislike most?
There isn't a particular type I don't like. I could probably find something to like in every kind of music.
29. Are you listening to music right now?
Yeah. Decembrists. "The Perfect Crime #2"
30. What color is your bedroom carpet?
It's like... gray, I guess? That neutral whitish carpet color. It's so dirty, though.
31. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
About my home home? Uh... I would make the bathtub bigger.
32. What was the last thing you bought?
A t-shirt.
33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
No. No desire to, either.
34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Absolutely.
35. Do you have a garden?
No.
36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
I know the standard singing part, but there are other lyrics to it that I don't know.
37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
SHUT IT OFF!
38. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
I'd probably pick Tina Fey. Girl seems like she likes to eat shamelessly, like I do.
39. Who sent the last text message you received?
Zoe.
40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Barnes and Noble.
41. What time is bed time?
It changes every day. Try to get in bed before midnight.
42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
No.
43. How many tattoos do you have?
None.
44. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one?
I've thought about it, but I don't think I ever would.
45. What did you do for your last birthday?
Got hammered and yelled at my mom.
46. Do you carry a donor card?
Not yet.
47. Who was the last person you ate with?
Italian class on top of a mountain with four hawks swirling just overhead. That was cool.
48. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Are you filling it or emptying it? I really dislike that dichotomy. It's so stupid. Is anyone that black and white?
49. What's the farthest-away place you've been?
Italy.
50. When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Summer.
51. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yeah. Everyone gets on these days, though.
52. Are you a good cook?
No. I can bake okay, though.
53. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Yeah, I'm not that functionally challenged.
54. If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
David Eddings, just to say thanks. I always meant to write him a letter while he was alive, but I missed my chance. I regret that, a little bit.
55. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
No.
56. Do you touch-type?
What does that mean? Without looking? Yeah.
57. What's under your bed?
Storage bins!
58. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. I think love is too complicated for one glance.
59. Think fast, what do you like right now?
The first thing that came to mind was porn. So...
60. Where were you on Valentine's day?
Here.
61. What time do you get up?
Either 6:40, 7, or 9. Almost never later.
62. What was the name of your first pet?
Oreo.
63. Who is the second to last person to call you?
One of the many Maggies in my life.
64. Is there anything going on this weekend?
I bought a wife-beater for tonight. That means yes.
65. How are you feeling right now?
Tired and I have to pee.
66. What do you think about the most?
Uh... That's a hard question. I guess stories. I'm always making up stories in my head.
67. What time do you get up in the morning?
Didn't we already do this one?
68. If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?
I would tell my parents right away.
69. Who would you tell first?
My parents.
70. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?
Hanna. It was bad.
71. Do you sing in the shower?
No.
72. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Barnes and Noble, maybe. I don't have a credit card, though...
73. What do you do most when you are bored?
I waste time on the computer or read.
74. What do you do for a living?
I'm a student.
75. Do you love your job?
If that counts as a job, sometimes.
76. What did you want to be when you grew up?
I never had an answer for that, and I still don't.
77. If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?
I can't even answer this. Don't ask me job questions anymore, survey.
78. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
Evolutionarily speaking, probably the egg.
79. How many keys on your key ring?
One.
80. Where would you retire to?
I don't know. That's kind of a sad question, in a way. It's like, "Where would you spend the last years before you die?"
81. What kind of car do you drive?
The orange one...
82. What are your best physical features?
Probably my teeth.
83. What are your best characteristics?
I really like listening to people's stories. I like hearing people talk.
84. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Somewhere in America. I want to see more of America.
85. What kind of books do you like to read?
Mostly fiction, but all kinds.
86. What is your favorite time of the day?
No particular preference.
87. Where did you grow up?
Haverhill.
88. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
100 miles exactly.
89. What are you reading now?
Like Life, Lorrie Moore.
90. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Both. Don't do well in the afternoon.
91. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No.
92. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
Yup.
93. Do you have pets?
Yes and I miss her terribly. I saw a parade of dogs when I went hiking today and it made me miss her.
94. How many rings before you answer the phone?
A few. Depends on who's calling.
95. What is your best childhood memory?
Not really specific, but I look back fondly on the period when I had a tight group of friends and we all passed books around to each other. I don't have a really tight group of friends anymore, and none of my friends read.
96. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?
I've been a lifeguard for years now. I have a really dumb quasi-job right now. I can't even explain it. I'm paid in food and don't really have to do anything. So I don't feel like that counts.
97. What is most important in life?
To keep moving forward and don't waste too much time looking back.
98. What Inspires You?
People who are great at something. Whatever it is. And bouncing back from bad times. Especially when one person hits both those points.
99. Do you believe in an afterlife?
No. And I hope there isn't. I don't believe in anything, religiously speaking, but if I had to choose, I would want there to be reincarnation. Though that, I think, would be impossible, if you assume that there is a finite number of souls and the number of living things is continually increasing. Unless you also assumed that the number of souls is significantly larger than the largest possible number of living things that could be and that there was some sort of limbo-space in which the souls not currently in living form existed while they waited. And such a space could be termed an afterlife, I guess, so that was just a circular way of ruining what I started with.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Folding Socks With Tchaikovsky
--Weird things I have heard lately:
1. In the stairwell: "Do you know how tired you are after a murder?"
2. On the bus: Two girls discussing a new piercing. "I was nervous to get it at first, but then I saw another guy convincing a girl not to get her - " she pointed her finger downward and made a swirling motion here " - pierced, so I knew they weren't just in it for the money." The other girl said, "Oh, that's so great."
3. At the dining hall: "But the CHILDREN! Why do they have to kill the CHILDREN!" I actually doubled back and put more sprinkles on my ice cream to learn more about this. I still had no idea what they were talking about. I assumed it was child soldiers but I'm not even sure if they were talking about humans or animals.
4. In the English building: "I'm definitely attached to the chair but I'm willing to change."
5. At Newbury Comics: "I don't want to do the Day of Silence but I'm afraid the whole school will hate me and call me a gay-hater." Like, really? What school do you go to, friend? This was in Northampton, though, so I suppose it's the only place on Earth where you'd hear that sentence.
--I would like to make a public denunciation of the Schick Xtreme3. I used to use them before the Schick Quattro came into my life, and they were fine. I had to revert back to them because the bulk-sized packs of the Quattro were not available last time I was in need. I don't know what Schick has done to ruin these razors since I last used them, but I look like a bloody scabby ridiculous mess all the time now. Unfortunately I bought thirty of them so I have a while to go before I see this out.
--Speaking of, I just cut my nostril open while shaving. I don't know why the razor was even in the vicinity of my nostril.
--When my federal tax return came in I decided to get Netflix, and oh my gosh what was I waiting for. I wish every form of entertainment had this type of thing. Books and music and stuff. They just mail it to you! What a concept! I have wasted hours pouring over movies and so far have figured out what the big fuss over River Phoenix was.
--I am donating blood today. This is a big deal. I wouldn't say I'm really afraid of much, but I definitely have anxiety over certain things, and blood is one. Not just the blood, not even the needle, but the fact of seeing my blood outside my body really messes with me psychologically. But it's such a good, easy thing to do and they have blood drives all the time here and, I mean, I haven't got much time left on campus. My overprotective friend who's going with me has been texting me reassurances and tips ("Drink lots of water! It makes your veins easier to find!"), which are probably not necessary. There is a free t-shirt involved so that will likely overcome my anxiety.
--Courtney went home on Biggest Loser. I was rather devastated about this. I think seeing her go under 200 pounds would have been one of the happiest days of my life.
--I need a good short story collection right now. I'm trying to read a short Steinbeck novel but it's so boring and on-the-nose, politically. I'm in the mood for short stories but all I have is Chekhov and the translation I have uses distractingly excessive punctuation. I don't know if that makes it more authentically Russian or something, but seeing, for instance, "Get out!!" in a book not written by Dan Brown really takes me out of the story.
--I'm seeing Hanna later today. I'm not terribly excited about it because I hate that spelling of the name and, honestly, it looks to me like it could be really stupid. But I'm rather invested in Saorise Ronan's career. If she doesn't go crazy she could be a big deal in the future, I think.
--I had one of those Saturday nights last weekend. I woke up with a basketball in my bed and I have no idea where it came from or why I have it. But I apparently drew a giant smiley face on it in blue marker.
1. In the stairwell: "Do you know how tired you are after a murder?"
2. On the bus: Two girls discussing a new piercing. "I was nervous to get it at first, but then I saw another guy convincing a girl not to get her - " she pointed her finger downward and made a swirling motion here " - pierced, so I knew they weren't just in it for the money." The other girl said, "Oh, that's so great."
3. At the dining hall: "But the CHILDREN! Why do they have to kill the CHILDREN!" I actually doubled back and put more sprinkles on my ice cream to learn more about this. I still had no idea what they were talking about. I assumed it was child soldiers but I'm not even sure if they were talking about humans or animals.
4. In the English building: "I'm definitely attached to the chair but I'm willing to change."
5. At Newbury Comics: "I don't want to do the Day of Silence but I'm afraid the whole school will hate me and call me a gay-hater." Like, really? What school do you go to, friend? This was in Northampton, though, so I suppose it's the only place on Earth where you'd hear that sentence.
--I would like to make a public denunciation of the Schick Xtreme3. I used to use them before the Schick Quattro came into my life, and they were fine. I had to revert back to them because the bulk-sized packs of the Quattro were not available last time I was in need. I don't know what Schick has done to ruin these razors since I last used them, but I look like a bloody scabby ridiculous mess all the time now. Unfortunately I bought thirty of them so I have a while to go before I see this out.
--Speaking of, I just cut my nostril open while shaving. I don't know why the razor was even in the vicinity of my nostril.
--When my federal tax return came in I decided to get Netflix, and oh my gosh what was I waiting for. I wish every form of entertainment had this type of thing. Books and music and stuff. They just mail it to you! What a concept! I have wasted hours pouring over movies and so far have figured out what the big fuss over River Phoenix was.
--I am donating blood today. This is a big deal. I wouldn't say I'm really afraid of much, but I definitely have anxiety over certain things, and blood is one. Not just the blood, not even the needle, but the fact of seeing my blood outside my body really messes with me psychologically. But it's such a good, easy thing to do and they have blood drives all the time here and, I mean, I haven't got much time left on campus. My overprotective friend who's going with me has been texting me reassurances and tips ("Drink lots of water! It makes your veins easier to find!"), which are probably not necessary. There is a free t-shirt involved so that will likely overcome my anxiety.
--Courtney went home on Biggest Loser. I was rather devastated about this. I think seeing her go under 200 pounds would have been one of the happiest days of my life.
--I need a good short story collection right now. I'm trying to read a short Steinbeck novel but it's so boring and on-the-nose, politically. I'm in the mood for short stories but all I have is Chekhov and the translation I have uses distractingly excessive punctuation. I don't know if that makes it more authentically Russian or something, but seeing, for instance, "Get out!!" in a book not written by Dan Brown really takes me out of the story.
--I'm seeing Hanna later today. I'm not terribly excited about it because I hate that spelling of the name and, honestly, it looks to me like it could be really stupid. But I'm rather invested in Saorise Ronan's career. If she doesn't go crazy she could be a big deal in the future, I think.
--I had one of those Saturday nights last weekend. I woke up with a basketball in my bed and I have no idea where it came from or why I have it. But I apparently drew a giant smiley face on it in blue marker.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
GUILTY PLEASURES
Procrastinating! Save me from myself! As a foreword, I don't think anyone should feel guilt about liking something personal. But if I didn't feel that way, here are my answers:
CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to:
Probably the soundtrack to Wicked, though "Defying Gravity" is - or was, not so much anymore - in such high rotation that it probably transcends embarrassment. I also have a Taylor Swift CD, but I really only like "You Belong With Me."Song on your iPod you wouldn't want anyone to see:
There are so many, but I'd say "Rumors" by Lindsay Lohan is the worst. "Party in the USA" is pretty bad too. I got both of those as a joke at first, but "Party in the USA" quickly became not a joke.
Book I read flat so no one could see the title:
I can't think of a time when I've ever done this. I find that people tend to approach you more readily if you're reading something blatantly inappropriate to your age/gender/race in public, which I appreciate. I actually made a semi-friend my freshman year by reading Sense and Sensibility with an awful cover in class one day.
Crappiest song ever sung at karaoke:
I've never done proper karaoke. The only time was in Italy and the mic was kind of passed around in the crowd, so it wasn't just me. But the people I went with liked to do a lot of Bon Jovi. "Livin' on a Prayer" and stuff. We did "Sarà perché ti amo" one night, and my contribution was pretty pathetic. I was drunk and only kind of know the words. You can imagine how that went.
Bad movie I watch repeatedly:
I own the Brady Bunch movies and watch them over and over, though I think those are genuinely hilarious. I remember once there was a Lifetime movie about internet porn addiction that I watched, like, three times because it was so bad in a good way. (Found it.)
Article of clothing I love though I know it’s wrong:
I wear gym socks with boat shoes. It looks ridiculous but whatever, it's more comfortable for me that way. I don't own any, but if someone bought me some whitey-tighties I'd probably rock those, too.
What I order at the bar when no one is listening:
I don't have an answer for this one. When I started drinking and didn't know what I was doing I'd just say, "Yeah, I'll have what she ordered," which ended up with some questionable drinks. Now, though, if it were up to me I'd just do shots and drink water all night. I don't really understand the point of drinking alcohol (except wine and maaaybe beer) unless you intend to get drunk. (That sounds like an alcoholic's answer, doesn't it?) I did order Old Speckled Hen a few weeks ago, which was embarrassing because it's such a stupid name.
Fast food item I adore:
Where do I start? I don't eat much fast food anymore but back in my carefree high school days? McChickens were up there. Anything at Taco Bell was good because it was cheap. KFC. Is Boston Market fast food?
Trashy TV Show:
I don't know if this really qualifies but I still find myself sucked in when I watch the evangelical Christian shows. I just love them. I really find Joyce Meyer inspirational. I watch her and wish so badly that I could live with that attitude. Also, anything about fat people losing weight, especially when they're losing 100+ pounds, is dream TV for me. I regularly find myself tearing up over The Biggest Loser. I'm just so proud of them. Related, anything about eating disorders, weird eating, food, cooking, etc. Any E! Investigates but especially the one about serial killers. I've seen that at least 10 times. Almost anything about serial killers, actually, especially the Manson family and the BTK Killer. Uh, the new Degrassi when I'm home. All this basically happens at home. I really don't watch TV at school because it doesn't have that nifty scroll-through-the-channels-while-you-watch-something-else box here.
Video Games?
I freely admit that I still play Pokemon. I break it out probably once a year and have since I was nine. It's therapeutic. You cannot be bad at that game and as long as you finish you are a CHAMPION. Also, I am too invested in Dragon Age and still get a little giddy whenever a new Zelda comes out.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Women's DI NCAAs Day Three
1. 1650 freestyle: Wendy Trott took her third title in a row for Georgia in 15:40. As much as I was rooting for Meredith Budner, consistency is also nice. Budner, though, damn. Apparently she hadn't gone under five minutes in the 500 before college, and now she's graduating with a 4:34 and a 15:44. Just goes to show, the right talent and the right program can take you places. Hayley Anderson out of USC took third. Budner was really tough, though. Took it out hard, lulled in the middle and fought back for second at the end. 1650's always a good one to watch, tactically speaking.
2. 200 backstroke: I really wanted Elizabeth Beisel to win this one. She seemed a little down in her interviews. But Maggie Meyer of Wisconsin took it in a really gutsy swim. Took it out really hard and held on to win in 1:50.76. Dominique Bouchard of Missouri took second in 1:51.54, with Beisel checking in third at 1:51.60. They were really closing on Meyer hard at the end, but they ran out of room. Oh well. There's always next year for Beisel, and it is good to see a win from one of the non-big name programs. (And another one getting second place, too.) Plus, Meyer has an alliterative name, which is always pleasant to hear on awards stand.
3. 100 freestyle: Arianna Vanderpool-Wallace was the sprint queen this weekend, adding the 100 to her 50 title with a 47.07 win. What's impressive about that is how consistent she's been, on top of how fast. That was her slowest time between SECs and NCAAs, which is mighty quick. Good wins for Auburn. They've been hurting the past couple years, so they need a boost. I was worried about Cal in the team race here, as Wilson and Jensen only grabbed seventh and eighth in the final, while Georgia got fifth and sixth. Cal got second place points in the B-final, though, so they racked up enough to stay in it. That was the biggest thing after prelims for them. As long as they were solid, the team title was theirs. Mistakes would be costly, but as long as they played it cool and did okay, they'd win.
4. 200 breaststroke: Easily and surprisingly the best race of the meet, and perhaps one of the best races I've ever seen. After prelims this was clearly going down as a race between Minnesota's Jillian Tyler (who won the 100 yesterday) and Cal's Caitlin Leverenz (the favorite who's fighting for team points). They had the middle lanes and for the first 150 yards it was easily playing out as expected, with Leverenz having maybe a millisecond's advantage over Tyler. But then something truly awesome happened. Those two were bracketed by Breeja Larson of Texas A&M and Hayley Spencer of Minnesota on either side, and literally in the last half-length, those two overtook the leaders to take second and first, respectively. The four of them all of a sudden made a solid line down the last five yards. An epic, epic finish. Spencer clearly had no idea she had won when she hit the wall, and her tearful, joyful reaction was priceless. I almost didn't watch the whole broadcast, but I'm so glad I did - this is the kind of race that makes swimming special. And the finishing times were just amazing. Spencer at 2:06.12, Larson at 2:06.18, Leverenz at 2:06.23 and Tyler at 2:06.35. That small of a margin of victory across four swimmers? Awesome. Huge mental toughness from Spencer and Larson, damn. Big things to come from them both in the future, I'd imagine.
5. 200 butterfly: At this point it was pretty clear that Cal had enough points to win, barring a huge disaster, so there wasn't a ton of pressure on Amanda Sims to win. She certainly made a go of it with a really quick opening 150, but she bombed into fifth at the end. No big deal, though. She scored the points. Katinka Hosszu won in 1:51.69 for her third title of the meet. Really impressive, no one's done that in a long time, and she had, arguably, one of the toughest possible schedules. (On second thought, Theresa Crippen might just take that honor. 200 fly/200 back double is ugly. But still, Hosszu's was hard, too.) Cammile Adams of Texas A&M got second. Impressive showing for them again this year. Alyssa Anderson of Arizona got third.
6. Platform diving: I didn't really watch this. I would have if I knew it was going to impact the team score, but it wasn't. I don't know much about diving in general, at least not enough to comment. You know a good dive when you see when, and you know a bad one, but at this level, they're all pretty good. HOWEVER, platform diving makes me too nervous. There should not be a fear of death at any athletic event, and I feel like there is here. I mean, those hand-stand entries? No thank you. Two times I turned back to the screen to check what was happening. The first time, the unintentionally hilarious Southern announcer was monotoning, "Oh, she's crying," as they were back-boarding a girl out of the water. The second time the same announcer was saying, "I did that same thing once, and something popped out of my elbow that looked like a golf ball." I don't know who that announcer woman is - it's the same lady who does the Olympics, but I forget her name - but she is hysterical. She's knowledgeable but has absolutely no sympathy when things go wrong for those girls.
Completely unrelated, but in the meantime, I was scouring the music to "Swan Lake" that I downloaded this week, trying to find the part that plays during the beginning of this scene. I don't really understand classical music or the titles of the album and how they correspond to anything in the actual ballet, but I skimmed through each track and couldn't find anything that exactly matched that sequence. So if anyone could help me out, that'd be great, because I really really really like that music.
ANYhoozle.
7. 400 freestyle relay: Basically all Cal had to do for the team title was NOT be disqualified here and they had it won. Georgia took first in an American record 3:11.03, and Auburn took second on the back of Vanderpool-Wallace's monster opening leg of 46.82, but Cal hung on for third place in this event to take the team title! Yay for them. Also, Katinka Hosszu wrapped up the meet with a good come-from-behind anchor to win the B-final for USC.
This certainly wasn't as emotional a win for Cal as 2009 was. The 2009 squad was very talented and had Dana Vollmer as a headliner, but their win really happened because of a couple of lucky (for them) misfortunes from other teams. So that win was almost more fun, because it was a shock and a real reward for a program that is consistently so impressive. This one was very businesslike. Everyone got the points they needed and there were very few surprises along the way. Still, I do like to see Cal's women's program succeed. Teri McKeever does not get nearly the props she deserves as a coach, and, even more, I like listening to her interviews because she really seems invested in developing her team as people, not just swimmers. McKeever always talks about GPA and stuff like that, which not all coaches do. I mean, if Natalie Coughlin is the ultimate product of that program, then her twitter is great proof of that. She seems so well-rounded and developed as a person, not just an athlete. Plus, Cal does so much with almost exclusively in-state talent. Very cool stuff.
Texas took sixth this weekend. Good, but not great. I'm kind of sad that, as a Texas fan, I'm satisfied with a sixth-place finish. They really just aren't doing what they could be with the amount of talent they have. They're still my sentimental favorites since they were kind of my gateway team into college swimming, and it is nice to see them rebound from last year's heinous debacle, but they really do need to get more girls in the conversation of WINNING events. Scoring mid-level points is all well and good, but sometimes you just need that one star to take you to the next level.
Men's meet is next week, and while I'm usually not nearly as interested, I'll probably check it out. I had planned to finish my thesis and get ahead on other things this week, but I ended up, of course, doing absolutely nothing. So I'm basically fucked. The men's results will be a nice break in the hell that the next ten days will bring. Plus there are a few match-ups I'm really curious about, especially the 100 fly (Shields vs. Staab should be so so epic, like Phelps vs. Cavic epic) and the 200 breast. Also to see how Nathan Adrian caps off his senior year, and whether Cal can sweep the men's and women's team titles. Should be good!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Women's DI NCAAs Day Two
This is a GREAT meet.
1. 200 medley relay: California won in a new American record of 1:35.03. I really didn't think they were even going to win - I didn't think Leverenz's breast split would be fast enough. It was still only fifth-fastest in the A-final, but damn, Liv Jensen put out another great freestyle split (21.11) to cap it off. Wisconsin took second, then USC, Auburn and Texas A&M.
2. 400 IM: Kattinka Hosszu took it as expected, becoming the second woman to dip under the 4-minute mark in 3:59.75. Her butterfly, which she swam in a 54-split, was the deciding factor; no one else could match that opening speed. Florida's Elizabeth Beisel took second in 4:00.87, just a touch slower than her SEC winning time and a nice improvement over her 500, followed by Stanford's Maya DiRado in 4:01.02 and Cal's Caitlin Leverenz in 4:01.72. Really fast field. Leverenz's race is really interesting, too, with a quick butterfly and breaststroke and slower backstroke and freestyle. Must be very mentally tough to have that kind of catch-up-fall-behind style. Her breaststroke splits tonight bode well for her 200 tomorrow, which she has to win for the sake of a team victory. Theresa Crippen out of Florida, who took second last year, only got seventh this year. Florida hasn't really looked all that sharp this weekend.
3. 100 butterfly: Amanda Sims, 2009 champion in this event, reclaimed the title this year in a really fast 50.49, only behind Natalie Coughlin and Rachel Komisarz in the all-time standings. Always good to see a senior win, and she helped build up some momentum for Cal. She was followed more than a second back by Claire Donahue of Western Kentucky, then Lyndsay De Paul of USC and her teammate Hannah Wilson. Also cool to see two girls from Louisiana State tie for seventh and Maryland win the B-final.
4. 200 freestyle: Allison Schmitt of Georgia won her second title in this event in 1:42.08, but Georgia did not do as well as they needed to here. Virginia's Lauren Perdue broke them up for second in 1:42.51, while Georgia's Morgan Scroggy settled for third in 1:42.56. Karlee Bispo of Texas got in there for fourth with a quick 1:42.81, and Sara Isakovic scored some more points for Cal in fifth with a 1:43.63. She's an odd case. She won the silver medal in this event at the Olympics but has never carried that level of success into the short-course yards format. Meg Romano of Georgia only got seventh, which should really affect Georgia's shot at the team title. Mid-distance freestyle was their chance to make a move, but too many girls got in their way here.
5. 100 breaststroke: Jillian Tyler of Minnesota won in 58.39. Not as fast as I was anticipating, given her relay split, but still pretty quick. Nice to see her finally win, since she was in Rebecca Soni's shadow for a couple years, and then Annie Chandler upset her last year. Breeja Larson of Texas A&M took second in 58.51. Very impressive, since she's only a freshman and has only been swimming for two years, apparently. There are men who would like to hit a 58 in this event after only two years, so she's a serious natural talent, clearly. Ashley Danner of George Mason took third in 59.23 while Kasey Carlson of USC took fourth in 59.29. Wish she could have been a little faster. She won a bronze medal at Worlds in 2009 and put out a really fast 100-yard breaststroke in high school, but that was all during the high-tech suit era. Hasn't quite matched that form in textile yet. She's still diesel, though. Swimming (and placing high) in the 50 and 100 freestyles and the 100 breaststroke? Not many people can pull that off. Probably Jessica Hardy is the only other one, at least on the women's side.
6. 100 backstroke: Great event for Cal. Random freshman Deborah Roth took the top spot in prelims with a fast 51.64, while her teammate Cindy Tran, who was arguably the top backstroke recruit of last year, barely squeaked into finals. Then at night, Tran won in 51.30 and Roth took second in 51.51. Both freshmen! Good news for the team score, too, since at this point it's whittling down to Cal, USC, and Georgia, and Presley Bard of USC took third in 51.62. Maggie Meyer of Wisconsin took fourth, and UNC's Carly Smith got fifth to show some more ACC love. Meg Romano of Georgia had a tough double with the 200 freestyle to get seventh in this event.
Incidentally, though, at around the same time, high schooler Rachel Bootsma was the fastest 100 backstroke in the country at Junior Nationals with a ridiculous 50.76. That puts her as the third-fastest performer ever, behind only Natalie Coughlin and Gemma Spofforth. To be in conversation with those two as a junior in high school is pretty big stuff. There are so many excellent young American female backstrokers right now. Missy Franklin, Elizabeth Pelton, Bootsma, Tran, Roth, even Beisel. Like, shit. Olympic Trials is going to be out of control in the 100-meter backstroke. And imagine if Bootsma went to Cal? Cal could have a stranglehold on this event for the next six years at NCAAs.
7. 800 freestyle relay: Georgia, as expected, won in 6:55.40, well-ahead of Cal's 6:58.71, but they could have won by two minutes and it wouldn't have mattered, as Cal is still ahead in the points race by about twenty points. Arizona took third and Texas got another good placement with fourth. USC dropped off here, as they only took eighth, but they're still only about 40 points behind Cal. That can be made up with a very good last day, but it'll be tough. Tonight should be excellent, though. Cal should be strong in the 200 breast and the 400 freestyle relay, and, judging by the rest of the meet, Jensen should do well in the 100 freestyle, but Amanda Sims and Sara Isakovic really need to get into the A-final of the 200 fly to fend off USC, who has the two best 200 fliers of this year. Georgia's also great in the 1650, so they could make a resurgence. Wonder if platform diving will have any effect at all, too, because that was the deciding factor for Florida last year. Should be good!
1. 200 medley relay: California won in a new American record of 1:35.03. I really didn't think they were even going to win - I didn't think Leverenz's breast split would be fast enough. It was still only fifth-fastest in the A-final, but damn, Liv Jensen put out another great freestyle split (21.11) to cap it off. Wisconsin took second, then USC, Auburn and Texas A&M.
2. 400 IM: Kattinka Hosszu took it as expected, becoming the second woman to dip under the 4-minute mark in 3:59.75. Her butterfly, which she swam in a 54-split, was the deciding factor; no one else could match that opening speed. Florida's Elizabeth Beisel took second in 4:00.87, just a touch slower than her SEC winning time and a nice improvement over her 500, followed by Stanford's Maya DiRado in 4:01.02 and Cal's Caitlin Leverenz in 4:01.72. Really fast field. Leverenz's race is really interesting, too, with a quick butterfly and breaststroke and slower backstroke and freestyle. Must be very mentally tough to have that kind of catch-up-fall-behind style. Her breaststroke splits tonight bode well for her 200 tomorrow, which she has to win for the sake of a team victory. Theresa Crippen out of Florida, who took second last year, only got seventh this year. Florida hasn't really looked all that sharp this weekend.
3. 100 butterfly: Amanda Sims, 2009 champion in this event, reclaimed the title this year in a really fast 50.49, only behind Natalie Coughlin and Rachel Komisarz in the all-time standings. Always good to see a senior win, and she helped build up some momentum for Cal. She was followed more than a second back by Claire Donahue of Western Kentucky, then Lyndsay De Paul of USC and her teammate Hannah Wilson. Also cool to see two girls from Louisiana State tie for seventh and Maryland win the B-final.
4. 200 freestyle: Allison Schmitt of Georgia won her second title in this event in 1:42.08, but Georgia did not do as well as they needed to here. Virginia's Lauren Perdue broke them up for second in 1:42.51, while Georgia's Morgan Scroggy settled for third in 1:42.56. Karlee Bispo of Texas got in there for fourth with a quick 1:42.81, and Sara Isakovic scored some more points for Cal in fifth with a 1:43.63. She's an odd case. She won the silver medal in this event at the Olympics but has never carried that level of success into the short-course yards format. Meg Romano of Georgia only got seventh, which should really affect Georgia's shot at the team title. Mid-distance freestyle was their chance to make a move, but too many girls got in their way here.
5. 100 breaststroke: Jillian Tyler of Minnesota won in 58.39. Not as fast as I was anticipating, given her relay split, but still pretty quick. Nice to see her finally win, since she was in Rebecca Soni's shadow for a couple years, and then Annie Chandler upset her last year. Breeja Larson of Texas A&M took second in 58.51. Very impressive, since she's only a freshman and has only been swimming for two years, apparently. There are men who would like to hit a 58 in this event after only two years, so she's a serious natural talent, clearly. Ashley Danner of George Mason took third in 59.23 while Kasey Carlson of USC took fourth in 59.29. Wish she could have been a little faster. She won a bronze medal at Worlds in 2009 and put out a really fast 100-yard breaststroke in high school, but that was all during the high-tech suit era. Hasn't quite matched that form in textile yet. She's still diesel, though. Swimming (and placing high) in the 50 and 100 freestyles and the 100 breaststroke? Not many people can pull that off. Probably Jessica Hardy is the only other one, at least on the women's side.
6. 100 backstroke: Great event for Cal. Random freshman Deborah Roth took the top spot in prelims with a fast 51.64, while her teammate Cindy Tran, who was arguably the top backstroke recruit of last year, barely squeaked into finals. Then at night, Tran won in 51.30 and Roth took second in 51.51. Both freshmen! Good news for the team score, too, since at this point it's whittling down to Cal, USC, and Georgia, and Presley Bard of USC took third in 51.62. Maggie Meyer of Wisconsin took fourth, and UNC's Carly Smith got fifth to show some more ACC love. Meg Romano of Georgia had a tough double with the 200 freestyle to get seventh in this event.
Incidentally, though, at around the same time, high schooler Rachel Bootsma was the fastest 100 backstroke in the country at Junior Nationals with a ridiculous 50.76. That puts her as the third-fastest performer ever, behind only Natalie Coughlin and Gemma Spofforth. To be in conversation with those two as a junior in high school is pretty big stuff. There are so many excellent young American female backstrokers right now. Missy Franklin, Elizabeth Pelton, Bootsma, Tran, Roth, even Beisel. Like, shit. Olympic Trials is going to be out of control in the 100-meter backstroke. And imagine if Bootsma went to Cal? Cal could have a stranglehold on this event for the next six years at NCAAs.
7. 800 freestyle relay: Georgia, as expected, won in 6:55.40, well-ahead of Cal's 6:58.71, but they could have won by two minutes and it wouldn't have mattered, as Cal is still ahead in the points race by about twenty points. Arizona took third and Texas got another good placement with fourth. USC dropped off here, as they only took eighth, but they're still only about 40 points behind Cal. That can be made up with a very good last day, but it'll be tough. Tonight should be excellent, though. Cal should be strong in the 200 breast and the 400 freestyle relay, and, judging by the rest of the meet, Jensen should do well in the 100 freestyle, but Amanda Sims and Sara Isakovic really need to get into the A-final of the 200 fly to fend off USC, who has the two best 200 fliers of this year. Georgia's also great in the 1650, so they could make a resurgence. Wonder if platform diving will have any effect at all, too, because that was the deciding factor for Florida last year. Should be good!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Women's DI NCAAs Day One
Weird week for me. Glad this is happening to break it up.
1. 200 freestyle relay: Cal takes the first win in 1:27.36. Liv Jensen was especially impressive with her anchor 21.29 split in prelims and 21.32 in finals. She won the individual 50 last year, but with Auburn's Vanderpool-Wallace coming on so strong this year, I wondered if Jensen would still be competitive. Looks like that is a yes. Tight race for second here, with Arizona just grabbing it in 1:28.02 ahead of Texas (1:28.06) and Stanford (1:28.15). Arizona's whole relay is freshmen, which is a frightening prospect for the future. Good to see Texas rebounding after last year. They probably will not do great this year without Kathleen Hersey, but a top-ten finish would be refreshing, positive momentum for them.
2. 500 freestyle: Allison Schmitt takes her third win in this event with a 4:34.20. She broke Caroline Burckle's NCAA record in prelims with a 4:32.71 but didn't deliver that again at night. She just held off Towson's Meredith Budner, who finished in 4:34.56. Alyssa Anderson picked up some more points for Arizona in third. Georgia got a lot of points in this event with first, fifth, and seventh in the A-final, though that's always expected from their middle-distance program. Elizabeth Beisel did fairly poorly here with a 4:42.18 for eighth. The 500 is her weakest event of the weekend by a large margin, so hopefully that doesn't translate into her other two events. (And she's already topped the 400 IM prelims as I write this, so it looks like it doesn't.)
3. 200 IM: USC's Kattinka Hosszu begins what will likely be her Swimmer of the Year weekend with a win in 1:53.39. I never understood why she didn't swim this event in previous years, she would always have been competitive, even with Julia Smit the past few years. Stanford freshman Maya Dirado impresses for second with a 1:54.66, and Texas' Karlee Bispo had a nice surprise third in 1:55.07. Not a very quick final overall. I really thought Morgan Scroggy would challenge Hosszu, but she took fourth in 1:55.15, while Caitlin Leverenz only got fifth in 1:55.22. Both of them could have been under 1:55, but, like Beisel tonight, I think this is Leverenz's worst event of the weekend, and maybe Scroggy's as well. Their other events are all stacked this year, though, so it's going to be an uphill battle all over the place. This meet is really, really deep.
4. 50 freestyle: Vanderpool-Wallace wins in 21.38, just a bit off her SEC winning time. That's an amazing swim. Lara Jackson's NCAA record is only a tenth faster than that, and that came from the supersuit year that was 2009. Liv Jensen couldn't defend, unfortunately, but dropped a huge chunk of time from last year to take second in 21.50. Margo Geer out of Arizona took third in 21.93. Very impressive. No one last year went under 22, so this is a big step up.
5. 400 medley: Cal impresses with two relay wins for the night. Winning time was a 3:28.53 with an impressive backstroke lead-off of 51.59 from freshman Cindy Tran and a very fast anchor of 46.99 from Jensen. She had quite a busy night. USC in second with a 3:29.82, followed by Arizona, Tennessee, Wisconsin and Minnesota. Jillian Tylers put out a blazing 57.09 as Minnesota's breaststroke leg. That is RIDICULOUS. Perhaps the US Open record will go down in the individual event this weekend. Georgia currently leads in 129, followed by USC (122), Stanford (116), Cal (115), Arizona (99), Auburn (80), and Texas (68). Georgia will probably hold that lead through tonight. They could sweep the top three spots in the 200 free and will probably take the 800 free relay no problem. Their sprint strokes aren't that strong, though, so the balance might tip away from them there. I remain hesitantly hopeful about Texas' individual prospects - the prelims results so far don't look great, but Bispo's in the A-final for the 200 free and Sogar's in the A-final of the 100 breast. They're seeded eighth for the 200 medley, but their freshman backstroker isn't really delivering yet, so that will hurt them. We'll see!
1. 200 freestyle relay: Cal takes the first win in 1:27.36. Liv Jensen was especially impressive with her anchor 21.29 split in prelims and 21.32 in finals. She won the individual 50 last year, but with Auburn's Vanderpool-Wallace coming on so strong this year, I wondered if Jensen would still be competitive. Looks like that is a yes. Tight race for second here, with Arizona just grabbing it in 1:28.02 ahead of Texas (1:28.06) and Stanford (1:28.15). Arizona's whole relay is freshmen, which is a frightening prospect for the future. Good to see Texas rebounding after last year. They probably will not do great this year without Kathleen Hersey, but a top-ten finish would be refreshing, positive momentum for them.
2. 500 freestyle: Allison Schmitt takes her third win in this event with a 4:34.20. She broke Caroline Burckle's NCAA record in prelims with a 4:32.71 but didn't deliver that again at night. She just held off Towson's Meredith Budner, who finished in 4:34.56. Alyssa Anderson picked up some more points for Arizona in third. Georgia got a lot of points in this event with first, fifth, and seventh in the A-final, though that's always expected from their middle-distance program. Elizabeth Beisel did fairly poorly here with a 4:42.18 for eighth. The 500 is her weakest event of the weekend by a large margin, so hopefully that doesn't translate into her other two events. (And she's already topped the 400 IM prelims as I write this, so it looks like it doesn't.)
3. 200 IM: USC's Kattinka Hosszu begins what will likely be her Swimmer of the Year weekend with a win in 1:53.39. I never understood why she didn't swim this event in previous years, she would always have been competitive, even with Julia Smit the past few years. Stanford freshman Maya Dirado impresses for second with a 1:54.66, and Texas' Karlee Bispo had a nice surprise third in 1:55.07. Not a very quick final overall. I really thought Morgan Scroggy would challenge Hosszu, but she took fourth in 1:55.15, while Caitlin Leverenz only got fifth in 1:55.22. Both of them could have been under 1:55, but, like Beisel tonight, I think this is Leverenz's worst event of the weekend, and maybe Scroggy's as well. Their other events are all stacked this year, though, so it's going to be an uphill battle all over the place. This meet is really, really deep.
4. 50 freestyle: Vanderpool-Wallace wins in 21.38, just a bit off her SEC winning time. That's an amazing swim. Lara Jackson's NCAA record is only a tenth faster than that, and that came from the supersuit year that was 2009. Liv Jensen couldn't defend, unfortunately, but dropped a huge chunk of time from last year to take second in 21.50. Margo Geer out of Arizona took third in 21.93. Very impressive. No one last year went under 22, so this is a big step up.
5. 400 medley: Cal impresses with two relay wins for the night. Winning time was a 3:28.53 with an impressive backstroke lead-off of 51.59 from freshman Cindy Tran and a very fast anchor of 46.99 from Jensen. She had quite a busy night. USC in second with a 3:29.82, followed by Arizona, Tennessee, Wisconsin and Minnesota. Jillian Tylers put out a blazing 57.09 as Minnesota's breaststroke leg. That is RIDICULOUS. Perhaps the US Open record will go down in the individual event this weekend. Georgia currently leads in 129, followed by USC (122), Stanford (116), Cal (115), Arizona (99), Auburn (80), and Texas (68). Georgia will probably hold that lead through tonight. They could sweep the top three spots in the 200 free and will probably take the 800 free relay no problem. Their sprint strokes aren't that strong, though, so the balance might tip away from them there. I remain hesitantly hopeful about Texas' individual prospects - the prelims results so far don't look great, but Bispo's in the A-final for the 200 free and Sogar's in the A-final of the 100 breast. They're seeded eighth for the 200 medley, but their freshman backstroker isn't really delivering yet, so that will hurt them. We'll see!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Freaks on the Bus
--Things have been kind of hectic lately. It's nice. I feel like I'm always getting something done, which offsets the creeping feeling that I have so much to do. But every week this semester I put aside an hour on Tuesdays and Thursdays at around 3:45, when all my classes were done, where I just went to the dining hall by myself, grabbed a sandwich and some coffee and just read Middlemarch with the sun at my back. It's mostly empty at that time between lunch and dinner, and that has really been the only time I've been able to put aside to read by myself. After slushing through a lot of material that I'm totally apathetic about and casting out desperate feelers for some sort of direction after graduation, it's been a quiet little luxury that I've come to relish, and I finished that book today with genuine regret that the last page was upon me. First time I've felt that way in quite a while. It took me a few times to overtake the first third of the book, but it was worth the wait. One of the most profound things I've ever read. That woman was a genius. How can you be write the perspective of one person so well, which such quick, broad, dazzling insight, and then suddenly move to encompass a group, a town, a nation, the whole human race? Genius. God. I'm exhausted from this book. A tip of the hat to you, Mary Ann Evans.
--One of the things that's been keeping me busy is a sudden manic episode of exercise I'm having. I get like that once in a while, but this is far and away the best (or worst, I guess) it's ever been. I've been getting up at 6:30 willingly, even joyfully, pounding out an hour of IM sets at the pool, then turning around and burning upwards of 1,000 calories at the gym in an hour. I've yet to crash and I really feel awesome right now. It's affected my mood hugely, and it keeps the ball rolling in other areas. Hope to keep it up for a few more weeks at least.
--One of the other things is that I started to write for the Arts section of the school paper. Why? I have no idea. I'm in my last semester. Why bother to take this on now? But a friend of mine told me they needed writers around awards season because so many of the small theaters out here were releasing all those films that got nominated that no one has heard of. So I went to the meeting, anticipating I would see something niche and artsy. My first assignment was the Justin Bieber movie. I almost dropped the whole thing in that moment. But... I don't know why, but I didn't. And as trivial as this blog is, I'm genuinely grateful that I've kept it up, off and on, for the past few years, because I got to take that same kind of idiotic tone that I use here in my review, saying whatever the hell ran through my head. I wrote it at 3 AM on a Sunday morning, sent it, immediately began cringing and second-guessing myself. But it was published. And suddenly people I didn't know or didn't speak to very often were emailing me and stopping me, telling me how my review made them laugh, that I was a good writer and they never knew. I saw people I didn't know across classrooms reading my article and chuckling to themselves. My mother found it somehow - I hadn't told her - and she berated me, proud and irritated at once, asking why I had never let her read anything I'd written, why she didn't know I could write. The manager of the independent theater in town called the paper and told them he liked my review, which... I didn't even know what to say. I was just so... so grateful. I'm not saying I'm the best writer in the world. I'm not. Anyone who has read this page knows I'm not. It's just... I don't know. This is something I never would have done a year and a half ago. It's stupid. It's a small section of a college paper. But still. Writing something down and putting my name and contact information on it and having it distributed to thousands of people? I would never have put myself out there like that before. This might sound like I'm blowing this out of proportion, and I am, but I can only speak from the frame of my own experience and tell you that this is, somehow, something I've been pining for, or at least a piece of that something. I set a sort of vague mission for myself at the end of 2009, some sort of nebulous New Year's Resolution that didn't have a set end but was more a need for something different, a different attitude, something that would carry on and on and on, and I knew five months later from the way I was thinking and the way I was carrying myself that I was actually getting there, but this is just more proof that it's happening, that I'm doing it, finally. I wanted things to be different and all it took was to make it happen. I might not seem different or sound different to people who know me, but here, in the space between my ears, the space where I am always with myself, it is different. I'm sorry. I'm exhausted and incoherent right now. But, man. It's just - have you ever realized how unhappy you were before only in the light of how happy you are now?
I had more to say, but I'll just leave it. Cheers to exercise, George Eliot, and Justin Bieber, because things are good right now. The kind of feeling you want to bottle up and save.
--One of the things that's been keeping me busy is a sudden manic episode of exercise I'm having. I get like that once in a while, but this is far and away the best (or worst, I guess) it's ever been. I've been getting up at 6:30 willingly, even joyfully, pounding out an hour of IM sets at the pool, then turning around and burning upwards of 1,000 calories at the gym in an hour. I've yet to crash and I really feel awesome right now. It's affected my mood hugely, and it keeps the ball rolling in other areas. Hope to keep it up for a few more weeks at least.
--One of the other things is that I started to write for the Arts section of the school paper. Why? I have no idea. I'm in my last semester. Why bother to take this on now? But a friend of mine told me they needed writers around awards season because so many of the small theaters out here were releasing all those films that got nominated that no one has heard of. So I went to the meeting, anticipating I would see something niche and artsy. My first assignment was the Justin Bieber movie. I almost dropped the whole thing in that moment. But... I don't know why, but I didn't. And as trivial as this blog is, I'm genuinely grateful that I've kept it up, off and on, for the past few years, because I got to take that same kind of idiotic tone that I use here in my review, saying whatever the hell ran through my head. I wrote it at 3 AM on a Sunday morning, sent it, immediately began cringing and second-guessing myself. But it was published. And suddenly people I didn't know or didn't speak to very often were emailing me and stopping me, telling me how my review made them laugh, that I was a good writer and they never knew. I saw people I didn't know across classrooms reading my article and chuckling to themselves. My mother found it somehow - I hadn't told her - and she berated me, proud and irritated at once, asking why I had never let her read anything I'd written, why she didn't know I could write. The manager of the independent theater in town called the paper and told them he liked my review, which... I didn't even know what to say. I was just so... so grateful. I'm not saying I'm the best writer in the world. I'm not. Anyone who has read this page knows I'm not. It's just... I don't know. This is something I never would have done a year and a half ago. It's stupid. It's a small section of a college paper. But still. Writing something down and putting my name and contact information on it and having it distributed to thousands of people? I would never have put myself out there like that before. This might sound like I'm blowing this out of proportion, and I am, but I can only speak from the frame of my own experience and tell you that this is, somehow, something I've been pining for, or at least a piece of that something. I set a sort of vague mission for myself at the end of 2009, some sort of nebulous New Year's Resolution that didn't have a set end but was more a need for something different, a different attitude, something that would carry on and on and on, and I knew five months later from the way I was thinking and the way I was carrying myself that I was actually getting there, but this is just more proof that it's happening, that I'm doing it, finally. I wanted things to be different and all it took was to make it happen. I might not seem different or sound different to people who know me, but here, in the space between my ears, the space where I am always with myself, it is different. I'm sorry. I'm exhausted and incoherent right now. But, man. It's just - have you ever realized how unhappy you were before only in the light of how happy you are now?
I had more to say, but I'll just leave it. Cheers to exercise, George Eliot, and Justin Bieber, because things are good right now. The kind of feeling you want to bottle up and save.
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